Being an intellectual, and being perceived as intelligent, has been important to me all my life. The worst insult is when someone treats me as if I know nothing. (This happens sometimes, especially since I'm a Muslim woman who covers her head.) This is a natural role for me. I don't lie awake at night thinking about what "big words" I can use or how I can show off my knowledge. I love books and I love reading them and I love learning. Knowing is a natural byproduct.

When I write. No one can judge me because my mistakes are not visible to anyone except me. Without going into specifics, I have made a few glaring errors in my first drafts, some that would embarrass me terribly if people knew. But they don't and they never will. First drafts are practice sessions. I put the story into words and it's there, alive and real. Once it exists I can do whatever I want to make it more interesting, more presentable, more vibrant. And by the time someone does read my story, it is ripe and ready for public consumption.

Making choices and decisions, even if they're wrong. Being myself with family and friends, without lies or pretense. Pursuing activities that fulfill me. Having enough physical space for myself and my stuff and enough emotional space for all my various feelings. Working when I need to and relaxing when I can. Living without unnecessary constraints on myself or my time. Oh, and taking a nice long shower as hot as I can stand it.

I was taught, as a little girl, that God could see everything I did. That is something I still believe. It gives me comfort, not fear. I pray formal prayers five times a day but I also pray to God throughout my day. The Qur'an says that our Creator is as near as our jugular vein. I depend on that.

In the physical sense I am not a member of any community. This isn't by choice. I'm very sensitive (you could say allergic) to perfumes, colognes, and fragrances in general (actually, the chemicals in the fragrances) and the mounting prevalence of these has forced me into isolation.

This is why the internet is so important to me. It is my connection to the outside world, along with my family. In the virtual world I am a member of many different communities. Communities for writers, communities for Muslims, communities for mothers. . .and, of course, communities like Gaia.

Community is an important aspect of the human experience. I'm very thankful that the internet helps me maintain my connections in spite of my limitations.

I do think there is a connection, but it's hard for me to put into words. I can't say that someone who is more spiritual will be healthier. I consider myself to be spiritual but I have many health issues.

I do know that my spirituality helps me to deal with whatever comes my way, in terms of health or anything else. And maybe it does make me stronger than I otherwise would have been. I know that I was very sick this summer and, according to those who love me the most, I was near death. (I wasn't aware of much of anything for a few days so I'll have to take their word on that.) I know that many people, throughout the world, were praying for me. And I know that I have recovered much more quickly than my doctor, or anyone else, expected. There is definitely a connection.

Absolutely. First I would eliminate all interest. A dollar loaned would be a dollar paid, and no more. I believe interest is the cause of much financial grief in the world. I would also make microloans the dominant way of doing business. This would help the average person. If there was more help for the masses and less for the wealthy, this would alleviate many of our current problems, from unemployment to war.

Must I choose only one? Should I say I prefer the theater or films, where human emotion is reenacted and given a face? Should I pick music instead, with tones and beats that play my feelings and leave me singing? What about paintings that move me and inspire me to write? What about the written word, my own art form, that shamelssly manipulates the reader and leaves them wanting more?

Art moves me.

In my husband's arms.

Early last May my right knee started hurting. That wasn't too unusual because I sometimes still suffer from an old high school injury, especially when it rains. We had quite a bit of rain in May. But by the end of the month I was having trouble walking. In June I was using a cane. By July I was in a wheelchair. I didn't go to the doctor because I didn't know what any doctor could do about it.

Because I couldn't walk, I also couldn't cook, and because of my extreme food allergies I couldn't eat the food others had cooked for me. As my knee deteriorated, so did the rest of my health. I already have an underlying chronic condition, and that worsened along with everything else. Toward the end of July I went to see my oncologist for a regular appointment. She called for an ambulance to take me to the hospital. There was a time, I am told, when everyone thought I would die.

But I didn't, and on July 31 I was released from the hospital. Since then I have worked to gradually increase my health and my strength.

So I find contentment in many things. Being able to walk on my own. Gaining weight. Being able to eat some of my favorite foods again. Spending time with my family. Simply being alive.

It's amazing how a serious illness can put everything else into perspective.

When I was young, in high school and college, and life seemed to offer a million different possibilities, my favorite color was red. Sharp and dynamic. Full of life. Now that I've settled down and I want my life to be calm, my favorite color is blue. Blue like the sky on a sunny day. Blue like the ocean in quiet waters.

I also love green, like the leaves on the trees and the grass on rolling hills. Some of the trees outside my bedroom window still cling to their green leaves. I'm not looking forward to the day when the leaves turn brown and blow away.

God is everything to me. He created me and sustains me. He has given me all that is good in my life and helped me with all that is difficult. God is constantly present in my life, as He is in the life of everyone, and He knows everything whether visible or hidden. These aren't platitudes. This is my belief.

The first time I remember being proud of myself was in fourth grade. The teacher told us to bring in a poem for a class anthology and I decided to write my own. Everyone raved over it and called me a poet. That was the first time I thought of becoming a writer.

I also had smaller things to be proud of. I was the only one in our family who could climb the tree in our backyard all the way to the top. I was also the first one in our elementary school to climb the rope in the gym to the top. And, of course, I could peel an orange in only one peel!

Some place tropical would be nice. Ocean breezes and a warm sun. The weather here in Kentucky has been good lately but it's getting colder and for the last three days we haven't seen the sun. The gray days are closing in on me. So I would like to close my eyes, click my heels, and find myself somewhere with constant sunshine.

I haven't whispered in many, many years. It's difficult for me to do, and it's impossible for me to hear someone who's whispering.

This afternoon we dropped our 16-year old off at the university library so he could do some research. Students from his high school have privileges there. My husband asked me if I ever miss college life, and I immediately answered Yes.

If I could go back (if it were financially feasible) I would like to get my MFA (Master of Fine Arts). I completed my Ph.D. in 1985 and sometimes I think I should have waited to finish my degree until I was older and more certain of what I wanted to do with my life. I still love the area of social sciences, but now I would like to concentrate on being a novelist. Having an MFA would not only help me refine my craft but I think it would also lend me some credibility, and help me build contacts in the literary world.

But we have three sons in college, two of whom still need our help, so if I do go back to school it will not be for many, many years. Not until our youngest is finished. He's in 9th grade now. I hope he gets a scholarship.

I would have been a scholar. Maybe a philosopher. Or maybe a writer. I would have sat and discussed the issues of life and death with others who cared, and I would have been respected in the time before text message spelling and bad sitcoms lowered human intelligence.

I grew up Protestant but we had neighbors who were Catholic, and some of their kids went to Catholic school, so that was my first introduction. Later I became aware that one of my aunts was married to a (non-practicing) Jewish man. Gradually I also learned what these differences meant.

The differences became much more clear to me, though, when I started going to college. There I met international students from throughout the world who were Muslims, Buddhists, and Hindus.

A few years after learning about different faiths, I became curious and began to investigate them. I read the holy scriptures and attended worship services when I could. Eventually I became a Muslim.

I hate uncertainty. It can make me tense and frustrate me. When possible, I take steps to clear it away, making informed decisions and pushing events along. When something is beyond my control, I don't dwell on it. Right now my son and his wife are in the process of a major move and I haven't been able to get in touch with them. But I know they're okay and as soon as they're settled we'll be able to continue our communication. It's beyond my control and I'm only mildly concerned, not obsessed (though obsessed is how I used to be).